I'm feeling much better today.

I admit, yesterday I was being kind of childish. There were a LOT of tears yesterday. I had to grieve for my lost tooth. Also, I realize I was actually quite traumatized by my experience at the dentist. I think I have a serious dentist phobia, which probably stems from not seeing a dentist in about seventeen year and therefore not being used to having people's fingers and sharp weapons in my mouth.

I also have this incredible gag reflex, which was kind of problematic for the dentist. She had to keep stopping what she was doing, because I would panic at not being able to close my mouth and swallow. I felt like I was going to choke and die.

I panicked at the needle going into my cheek. I panicked at the needle going into my GUMS, near my infected tooth. THEN I panicked because I could still feel my sore tooth, even though I was supposed to be frozen. Then I panicked some more as I heard a loud snap, and through my tears I asked if my tooth was out. No, she said, she was just numbing even more.

After that there was a lot of tears and drooling and silent screaming. I remember clutching the arm rests, and at one point my foot climbed up the chair as I tried to escape.

There was some bone-crunching, and some yanking, but no pain. I feel quite silly actually for having such a fit. BUT IT WAS SCARY FOR ME.

I'm sure they all laughed at me after I left. The one who gave birth to a ten-pound baby without any pain relief, can't even handle a totally pain-free tooth extraction!

So, when I got home, I cried and cried and cried for my lost tooth. Angus was having a shitty day too, probably because I was having a shitty day. It was hard to deal with him when all I wanted to do was cry into my pillow and then sleep forever. I cried because I really wanted to just have a day off so I could recover, but there ARE no days off when you're a mother. I think I better make peace with that soon, so that life is easier for me.
There was a lot of self-pity going on yesterday.

It's amazing how different things can be in the morning. I feel refreshed and peaceful this morning. I have some really good painkillers so I'm not feeling any pain. (WEEEEEEE!!!)

I'm waiting for my boss to wake up and dictate what we are doing for the day. I would LIKE to go grocery shopping. Aaron and I just got paid, and so FINALLY we can stock the cupboards, rather than scrounging around for twenty bucks here and there so we can eat for the day.
I'm HOPING Angus doesn't throw a fit. Inevitably when we go grocery shopping, he gets in touch with the devil to conspire about how to make the experience absolute HELL for his mom and dad.

I try and time it so he's fed before we go. But for some reason, he ends up wanting to nurse, right when I'm in the aisles deliberating on which flavor of ichiban to get.

I try and time it for when he's tired, with the THEORY being that he'll fall asleep in the car, and then he'll stay sleeping in his Moby Wrap as we shop. But that always fails and he ends up NOT sleeping and then I have to pace around with him outside because he's screaming so loud, while Aaron finishes the shopping.

I try and time it for when he's well-rested, so then he'll be alert and happy to be facing outwards in his Moby Wrap, so he can see what's going on. But THAT always fails, and he ends up actually being sleepy and then unable to fall asleep because it's bright and there's so much going on in the grocery store that he can't switch himself off.

I CAN'T WIN!

Also, lately every time I even leave the house with him, he pitches a huge fit. I always seem to get it wrong. I put so much effort into trying to time it for when he's in a good mood, and it ALWAYS backfires! Now he won't even nurse unless he's lying in bed with me, and he will NOT go to sleep unless we are at home, and I've swaddled him, turned the hairdryer on full blast, and then paced the halls with his sixteen-pound ass in my arms.
God help us if he gets hungry and tired when we're out.

I sure hope he grows out of this stage soon, because I DO NOT want to spend all my time cooped up in this shoebox apartment!