Post partum

So, my newly pregnant neighbor said to me the other day as she was smoking a cigarette and riding my other neighbor's stationary bike, "Have you gotten postpartum yet?"

YET??

I admit, my jaw actually fell open. As if it were a requirement of childbirth. I couldn't believe how blase she was about it! I told her some women might not like to be asked that, and she apologized and said she didn't mean to be rude.

Now I actually kind of admire her when I think back on it. Being pregnant herself, she probably was just curious.

Also, I'm pretty sure the neighbors have been talking amongst themselves and whispering and wondering if I have post-partum, because they're always asking "HOW ARE YOU DOING TODAY??" All concerned-like...

I'm fine.

Or am I?

Sure there are intense mood swings, the despair, the ANGER, lord the anger I feel inside and I really don't know why I'm so angry... I feel like it's directed all at my kid, because he is just so goddamn miserable alllllll the time, and every day that passes that he screams and I wear myself out trying to placate him alllll day, I feel like I'm beaten down a little more than the previous day, and I wonder how I'll ever manage to get out of bed and do it another day.

But I tend to brush depression off as just needing an attitude adjustment. Like, quit feeling sorry for yourself and CHEER THE FUCK UP. I always feel it is in the person's control and it's all about perspective.

But maybe it's not that easy?