NEVER. AGAIN.

Aaron and I got to have a night out the other night, FINALLY!  It had been a year since we'd been out together so we were pretty excited.  But let me tell you, it was SO NOT WORTH IT.  I mean, getting some time together was absolutely worth it, but next time it will be dinner and a movie, NOT getting stranded with drunk retards.

Aaron got in touch with a friend of his from when he was a kid, and he invited us over to his place for a few drinks. 
His sister remembered Aaron: "Oh yeah, you're the one who used to eat rocks!"

So the two of us went to this place where we thought there was a lounge, but turns out it closed down, so we sat in the restaurant and shared a pizza and some beers.  We did shots of something disgusting and sweet.  And that was the end of that for me, I was drunk by seven thirty. 
So we then get picked up by Aaron's old childhood friend and his girlfriend, and were informed we were going to a benefit dance for this guy who died. In my head, I had planned to be home by nine.  HAH. Once I heard the "doof doof" music blasting in the car, I started to have an uneasy feeling about the night.

The rest of the night was kind of fun, a blurry night complete with hammered guy who pissed his pants and had to get picked up by his mother, two-stepping with Aaron to "Sweet City Woman" (just like in the pre-baby days!), trying to escape being innapropriately groped by the drug-mangled Childhood Friend AND his equally mangled girlfriend, then getting stranded at a convenience store where drug-mangled Childhood Friend tried to order drinks with a hundred dollar bill, and then lying down outside on the concrete while getting yelled at by his girlfriend.  The cabs refused to pick us up because of this guy.  This is where I start to get pissed off.  My fun ended around nine-thirty when my boobs sprung a leak at the very thought of my precious baby boy at home, probably refusing a bottle and being a nightmare for his grandparents...
I really wanted to go home.  Finally a cab picked us up, but rather than taking us back to our town, to HOME, we ended up IN ANOTHER TOWN at some other bar.  This is where I put my foot down.  Literally, I stomped my foot and crossed my arms and refused to go in the bar.  Finally someone lent us twenty bucks to get a cab home.

We got home at two.  Angus was draped over grandma's shoulder, and they were sitting in the rocking chair in the dark.  I had missed him so much!  My heart broke because all I wanted to do was reunite with him and nurse him but I couldn't because I had been drinking.  We were told he WOULD NOT take a bottle.  (He did however, take rice cereal, from a spoon earlier that evening.)
All through the night, he refused the bottle, and I had to rock him back to sleep when he woke up.  My boobs were the size of watermelons and as hard as boulders, and FUCKING PAINFUL, and periodically I had to get up and express milk into the sink, hating and cursing myself every time, for making me and Angus suffer.

I got up with Angus that morning and still didn't feel safe breastfeeding... I mentally calculated how many drinks I'd had and figured I could nurse him by about ten. 
He was mouthing the air and head-butting my shoulder and anytime anything brushed his lips he LUNGED.  He was STARVING.  God I felt awful.  I tried to give him a bottle again, but he'd had enough of that... he was fed up with having a rubbery nipple shoved in his mouth all night, so he got rice cereal again.  He was practically feeding himself he was so hungry, squawking and grabbing the spoon out of my hand.

By nine-thirty, I gave in and nursed him, and both of us were finally soooooo relieved. 

This experience made me realize how precious our nursing relationship is.  I realized that it is not just a source of food for Angus, it is a way of emotionally connecting, a way of feeling safe, and the ultimate comfort for my little guy.  I will never jeapordize that again.

It also made me realize the kind of idiotic, drunken behavior and immature people I want to stay away from.  This is a new start for us, and a clean slate for us to make our life how WE want it.  I've had enough hangovers in my life already!
These people we were with all had kids too, but they were all behaving like teenage buffoons.  I guess having kids doesn't always make one grow up. 
Having a baby sure has made me appreciate the simpler things in life, as well as giving me a feeling of purpose and satisfaction.  The other night, while swaying with a beer in my hand and dodging drunken advances form strangers, a light bulb went off in my head, in the form of Angus's face.  I suddenly realized that I was NEEDED by someone.  Someone's happiness and healthiness depends on ME! 

I guess sometimes we need an experience that that to make us realize what we DON'T want.  Aaron and I were so desperate for some time together, and we did actually have fun for a while.  But I think going to see a movie together is much more appealing to me now!  Angus has made it clear that he'd rather starve himself than go without boob, so I'm going to listen to him from now on.  After all, he IS the boss of me.